It's 4 AM and my right middle finger hurts...For most people this would mean absolutely nothing, but for some reason everytime I've felt depressed and what would most likely be described as "heart-ache" my right middle finger hurts more so then my chest.
It came about so randomly too, I was laying in bed unable to sleep as usual but i was going through my phonebook and saw the contact for someone I haven't talked to in so long, because quite simply I fucked up a friendship and potentially someone I actually liked because of my inability to function as a normal human being. In my own little way I tried to fix the bridge I so accidentally burned, but I realized quickly that it wasn't going to work, and I had no one to blame by myself.
I wonder if this is something that all people feel at times, the knowledge that you ruined something without a thought, and now all you have left is regret. I can only hope that I can learn from this, and not repeat it, but that's what we do as humans isn't it? Repeat the same old mistakes, because it stems from some vice that we hold but can't seem to shake off.
Shortly after this, I went further down the list and saw another friend, someone I had depended on for almost two years for advice and comfort when I was feeling down, and realized it had been almost 6 months since I'd bother having a conversation with him. It was around this time that i realized that I needed to stop looking at my address book!
I guess the moral of this post is to say...We should all take a look at the relationships and friendships we have built, the ones that we have lost track of, and figure out which ones we need to hold onto tighter.
"Maybe it’s the way you move
You got me dreaming like a fool
That I can steal your heart away
I can steal your heart away"
Enrique Inglesias, you can always steal my heart away <3.
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