For some reason the wee hours of morning, or more realistically the late hours of night, is the time where my mind automatically feels the need to wax poetic monologues and as such I must oblige. It's 240 AM, and I am tired, sore, and in need of so many things, yet I'm only able to put my finger on a few of them. Having so many random events happen this weekend has made me think about a lot of things, one of which is that I don't care whether or not my life has "meaning" in the sense that so many people strive for. I don't wish to be remembered long after I'm gone, becoming a relic of the past holds no fear over me. Yet, the one thing I want ever so selfishly is to simply enjoy my life. To have friends who matter, to have done the things that I wanted to accomplish, and to create some goals to eventually fulfill.
To this end I suppose I should explain more on what this means or at least entails partially. I'm not gonna say I have a bucket list or some such thing, I'm only 19 what do I know on what life will bring or what I'll want. I think a continually updating list of wants and needs makes so much more sense. There are a lot of long term goals I have, lofty or not. I want to eventually become a psychiatrist, to help people who like myself don't completely fit in with their surroundings although I suppose it's a much more extreme feeling for them then me. To just obtain this goal there are so many tasks to reach it, it seems daunting. But, that's how you know something in life is worth it right? I have to make it through my undergrad at UT, move onto grad, learn to connect with people on a real level, learn to start a business potentially if I don't want to work erratic hours, learn to separate what I deal with for a job and what I want my personal life to be. The effort just one goal takes can seem too much, but you just have to keep pushing for the things you want. No use in giving up half way.
Not all my goals are realistically possible or even important, but they are just there to guide what you do, to provide some motivation. I also want to travel, see New York, find the allure that so many people can't stop talking about. I want to perhaps understand love, find it, breathe it. I want to become "fit", which is actually a work in progress at the moment.
And at the end of the day, the month, the year, my life, I want to be able to say that I didn't waste my life doing nothing, chasing after shooting stars to find there is no magic at the end. I want to be able to show something of what I've done, be it through stories or pictures. The good times, the equally important bad. There's nothing worse then to live in vain, too afraid or lazy to go after what they wanted. I don't have any real regrets now, and I don't intend to start.
Every moment is a chance to do something new, to create something wonderful, to live an exhilarating life that one dreams of. Don't waste it.
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New York is a great place to find yourself and what you want to do; especially if you're a creative person. The lifestyle, the struggle, the adventures, the people. It's a lifetime shrunken down to a couple years of your life - a great learning experience.
ReplyDeleteSure, you can find yourself anywhere in the world, but because New York is a such a melting pot you're forced to meet all different kinds of people. It also helps that most financial ventures and industries start or go through New York, leaving you endless opportunities to start a career.
To foreigners, the United States is the field of dreams. To Americans, New York is.
One day, you'll visit New York and have a time of your life. Or you'll just think it's overrated.